Diortem Enlightenment

[Rytyr]

I started playing Super Metriod via my homie's girlfiend's SNES; yea. Yes, obviously, I was bored, but as I started rounding out the usual minutia of Metroid action, somewhere in the fifth hour of gameplay (second hour by saves), I became enlightened—it just hit me, how marvelous everything is, how intricately woven the universe is, and I owe it all to Samus Prime. You see, although some happy Japanese programmers divested their love into this game, it came across as monumentally profound, because this game is true-to-form a manifesto of life itself! Follow me: Every challenge, every route, every choice, needs action from you, the Player, the Mover, just damn You; and it struck me, as I super-charged five bombs for the first (and umpteenth) time, how marvelous the universe truly is . . . I now understand why Nirvana cannot be placed into words, necessarily. Take heart, have no fear, God sits on his throne, the Buddha taps his lyre, Allah shines on the fortunate, etc. The wonderful thing is this: in as much as you can find love, and invest yourself in the goal of one Samus Prime, it is just so that the Lord God makes his haste toward you, that this game, life, is laid before you, programmed before your own insertion, simply for your own enjoyment! Wake up, O ye sleepers and denizens of the earth! And thank Japan for her mercy. Amen.

Qrystfr Rhadamanthus Slaiv (cloudsong@hotmail.com)

Postscriptum: subsequently, I wrote a song about my Metroid Epiphany, goes a li'l sumtin' like dis . . .

METROID ENLIGHTENMENT



I’m on that crazy train to reality

At the last exit, I got off



Don’t ever chase your own tail,

You just might find it

And gather your entrails, forever reverof



Don’t smell the flowers

They are an evil drug to use

Your mind don’t scale the towers’

Intertwined pale painful powers



And no good luck to you

[lloyd drake]

i...i think this post dun broke me brain thingy...but seriously god or whatever didnt bring metroid to enlighten us. yes it was fun. but if you start a cult surrounding metroid. i will kick you.

[Rytyr]

The fact is, I didn't start the cult—"It was fun" did. Thank you, for at least responding, and having semblance of sentience. Damn right, it was fun, and the original, in same form, can't be beat. (Afterthought: I'd do Samus.)

[Dethreign]

Whoah...

Yeah, we all have similar realizations, but not quite like that...

Allah? Buddha? And most importantly... Samus Prime?

[Monty]

I just looked on ROM-World and Metroid isn't there. The copyright gestapo must have it under lock and key: Coming soon to a mobile phone near you... for a nominal monthly "subscription," of course. Yes, that sounds better than "buy the whole damn thing every mobile bill..." subscription. We'll call it a subscription!

[Rytyr]

Just because I'm an ego-maniacal megalomaniac, I think "Diortem Enlightenment" needs another perusal from the masses, thus this new post from me. More to come, 'cause my brain's fatter than Einsteins gonads. Schwiiing!

[Jeff_ZN]

damn... i'm at a loss for words...

[Monty]

On an additional reading Rytyr, I have come to the following conclusion: 'Diortem Enlightenment' is suitable for the masses. It's just a pity that there aren't any aruond here; they'll swallow all kinds of bull just to try and wrest some meaning from their miserable, ruminant existences.

You know, I think I'll change my sig. to the 'choose life' speech from Trainspotting. Cheers for the inspiration Rytyr.

[Jeff_ZN]

on re-reading i guess afetr the day i've just had... i prbably stomp the sh!t out of any flowers i see... i have hay-fever.......

don't agree with the "chasing your tail bit" though

my dog is the happiest/most content person i know...and he can't even play Metroid...

[Shiaoran]

Were you high when you wrote your 'story'? :P

[Rytyr]

As a matter of fact, kids, I was stoned, but that's beside the point (or more happiest to it). Thank you all for rereading my post, 'cause I think too few people ascribe the necessary affinity to video games, unlike our shamanic tribe. See, considering the rotund drivel our lives have become (and the stats saying that crime is way down due to the release of games like GTA), it's blatantly obvious that we're endeming our hypothalamus into those volatile tapestries (VG's), so it's like, because of VG's, we're naturally evolving. I guarantee you, in our lifetime, we'll finally experience a Virtual Reality room in every home, and really lose ourselves in video games.
As for your dog, I agree; K-9's got it made.
And, I believe, as a matter of course, when our time ends (like the Dino's), the fauna to erupt after us, or the wending aliens who find our remnants, will marvel at our wild creations of art, the highest form being, of course, VG's, as they are the compendium for all forms of aesthetics.

Postscriptum: When I was about 14, I used to stay up late at night, highlighting the games I was gonna buy on a FuncoLand flyer; it was at that time that I thought a room in heaven was likened to a lay-z-boy, a huge TV, and a gaming console—imagine that! Heaven's here, boys, and it's only gonna get riper.
Deuce.

[Rytyr]

"What the hell is this guy thinking!?"
I know, I know.

Peep dis:
Soon the behemoth is coming . . . soon the mammoth and apotheosis of our ephemeral gaming desiderata will outpour onto the souls of man . . . what the f*** am I talking about? The PS3, boys, get'er ready. FFXIII, MG:S IV, DMC IV, etc. Man, when that Pong egg hatched (fo' I was born, a'course), I had no idea it'd grow to this magnificent form. All hail the coming Ragnarok. And give Andy MacNamara "big heap e-mail" 'bout me being his next editor.
Wakan-Tanka thanks you. And so do I. Later, kids!


Postscriptum: Oh yeah, an' this is an original joke from me: "Whaddaya call a Harvard grad who likes to masturbate while walking on live, hot coals . . .?

Magma Cum Laude!!!